A conversation about meeting Marshall Rosenberg, about old patterns, about the famous stop — and about what remains when you have lived this language for decades.
In 1994 a colleague mentioned it — he had been to a church conference where Marshall had spoken. I was sceptical at first. But when I sat in a workshop myself, I recognised that this stance carried all of my twenty years of youth work. It was like a language I had been looking for without knowing it.
Marshall asked me — for Northern and Eastern Germany, while Isolde Teschner took the south. It was not a job, it was an honour. For over ten years I accompanied him voluntarily — organising, translating, travelling. Katarina carried this with me.
Even after decades of practice, old patterns still surface. But I notice them faster. There is this famous stop — pausing briefly before I respond. With this stop I find my way back to the stance. Sometimes in a second, sometimes after a night's sleep.
Depth. That it is worth devoting yourself truly to one thing — not ten methods halfway, but one fully. Marshall did not like mixing NVC with other approaches. He said: when so much is at stake, let us call the child by its full name. I, too, never liked the abbreviation NVC.
It was a lovely surprise. I had not sought it. But I am glad, because it recognises what Katarina and I together did for NVC in Germany over the years.
That it is lived as a stance, not merely trained as a method. And that people remember: behind every conflict lies a longing for connection.
Condensed and edited for the web. Original interview at the German Professional Association for NVC. Fachverband